A Weird Letter

To My Dear Friend Ceaz,

I found this letter in my mail today. Does Mr. 42 really write like this all the time? I hardly understood a thing. It has the most peculiar content I've ever read so far.

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!

To My Dearest Ebbie,

I received your present and I must say, this new sword you got for me is the best! Although a bit heavier than an Angelius Sword, it's a really great gift and I'd like to thank you so much! I could finally defeat many monsters with ease using this new sword you gave me! When your birthday comes, I shall give you something definitely worth it! That's a promise from your big brother!

Anyway let me tell you what happened earlier today. The moment I woke up and looked at the calendar, I found out it's my birthday today! I completely forgot all about it after that incident with you-know-who and her harlotry. Feeling upbeat, I did a bit more exercising and training than usual and headed off to take a stroll around town! It was also my day off thank goodness!

I went to my mailbox first to check if I got any letters from you. I didn't find anything but one letter that just read, "Your Room. 3:00PM. Today." It sent a chill down my spine that made me a bit skeptical as well. I just placed the letter in my pocket and then stretched my arms. I then wondered who could it have come from.

Ebbie?

To My Dear Friend Ceaz,

Dude, I'd like to thank you and somehow you have flattered me as well. I know you also haven't seen Ebbie in person, but I appreciate the effort you took to sketch her. I am going to send this sketch to Ebbie, and judging from this sketch of yours, the description I gave matched it perfectly.


Certainly Ceaz, you've got a knack for drawing! If you keep this up, you may end up fighting with a giant pencil instead!!!

From Your Buddy,

Prawnt

Tights or Manskirts?

To My Dearest Ebbie,

You may know very well that for centuries, and perhaps even eons, us knights and gladiators have always been separated on the position on what should be our standard uniform. Well, armor is an obvious choice, but recently, it got narrowed down to one thing. Tights or manskirts? Allow me to explain. Us knights carry a lot of heavy armor with us, and our legplates are pretty much our only protection underneath. That is why under those legplates, we wear tights to be able to move around freely.

As for gladiators, they are fundamentalists in a sense as they still advocate the manskirt. They find it lighter, and easier to move around in than our bulky tights-legplates combo. Wait Ebbie, I know this is a waste of time telling you this because you're a woman and it doesn't really affect you. However, you must know why us knights and gladiators will always be different in some way.

According to my friend Ceaz, he has been wearing a manskirt ever since he became a rookie gladiator and hasn't gotten used to it ever since. He can't wear boxers like he did as a warrior, so he had to resort to using briefs as underwear instead. For us knights, we almost do the same thing except we use tights under our legplates. Sure, it protects us from the cold, but it could get real nasty once we go into higher temperatures. I wouldn't want to describe the smell as you might be eating something right now.


Now I'm in a dilemma here. I just picked up these Cursed Mercury Legplates that supposedly give a bonus to strength! I don't want to know how THIS would give me strength, but it really is tempting to deviate from my usual paladin armor and try other armor sets as well. Another dilemma is that I still have raging hormones Ebbie. What do I mean by raging hormones? Well, usually when I see someone I like, my little "friend" springs to attention, but it's not noticeable. Imagine if I wore these things when a hot woman came along! I'd better ask Ceaz.

Anyway, that'll be my letter for you for today. Remember that vampire costume I got? It's probably the first thing I've worn into battle that involves the use of PANTS. HOORAY FOR PANTS.

So stay safe Ebbie, and I'll probably get help from my friends regarding this matter. Tell me what you think as well!

From Your Dear Brother,
Prawnt

OOC: Manskirts or Tights? VOTE NOW.

Spooked. (2)

Dear Ebbie,

Hi there, this is Ceaz. You may know that your dear brother has been writing strange messages to you recently. Allow me to explain why. I was actually with him on the way to Libra until he drank too much iced tea and fainted. (I know right? Who else gets drunk from iced tea?) By the time we got to Odellia by accident, he now keeps thinking he has died and has been sent to the netherworld, where in reality, it's actually just Halloween decorations and festivities.

Now many new monsters have been causing trouble this time, but Prawnt has decided to "guide our souls back to heaven" and we went along with it. Why did we do it? Zak thought it was fun to mess with Prawnt once in a while. It was also kind of embarrassing being with Prawnt as he was warding off costumed adventurers trick or treating here and there, thinking they were really evil spirits! Well, you think that's weird? Here comes the interesting part.

You may have seen those monsters called Draculs such as this illustration. We all know that if you get bitten by one, you turn into a vampire yourself. Well, as Prawnt was fighting one of these things, he got bitten after he defeated it, and Prawnt suddenly went hysterical. It was as if he was the Count of Van Cliff when he got bitten, and he found this vampire costume, wore it, and proclaimed himself under a new identity. The Vampire Knight.


Ever since then, he has been claiming that he sparkles in the daylight, can seduce any woman he meets, and he suddenly had a craving for eating forest creatures. Yeah, your brother was really effed up that time so Zak and I decided to break the joke to him and tell him it's Halloween. We did tell him but he wouldn't believe us, and he really DOES believe he's been turned into a vampire, and he set out to kill a Dracul for revenge. Zak and I ran after him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

All he said as he ran was, "THE SWORD COMMANDS ME!!!". It must have something to do with that sword, or he probably inhaled a lot of opium again. So off we went to run after Prawnt, until we found him in the swamps, defeating another Dracul he found.


Is it in the tempura he eats or is he just plain crazy? When we finally caught up to him, all he kept doing was laughing and laughing in a boisterous manner, proclaiming himself as Count Tempura, The Vampire Knight. He also started to talk in this strange accent that even we couldn't understand much. Zak was also starting to lose patience and tried to snap him out of it by punching him in the face. But it didn't hurt Prawnt one bit and he just laughed it off. (Knights ARE tough.)

When we got back to Libra, we met Irichi and the girls, and by this time, Prawnt still thinks he's a real vampire and tried to seduce Irichi. Well, all he got was a massive katar slam in the nuts and that knocked him out for... I think a few hours. Still, it didn't work and he's still under the illusion that he's a vampire... WITH A BODY OF A WEREWOLF UNDERNEATH.


At first I thought he just found half a werewolf costume and wore it, but when we saw his sword glow in an eerie manner, and Irichi claimed they didn't do anything to him recently, maybe he really IS turning into a werewolf because of the sword!!! (Another sign was that his eyes weren't in their usual perverted tone.) The sword was probably messing with his perception of reality, so Zak and I had to stop him. It was an ugly sight, as your brother was hairy all over and technically naked because of the fur.

We fought him as if he were in a trance, Zak told me to concentrate on getting that sword out of his hand. He was tough to beat actually, until Cailey finally came and placed some sort of seal to exorcise the evil spirit out of Prawnt. Prawnt (or the spirit rather) just laughed and told us, "THIS BODY IS OURS. WE WILL DO AS WE PLEASE WITH IT." Suddenly Irichi comes bursting into the room shrieking. She then said something along the lines of, "NO ONE DOMINATES UKE-SAMA BUT ME!!!".

Then the evil spirit replied.

"SILENCE MAN-WOMAN HYBRID."





...







We were startled by what she did to the possessed Prawnt. In a fit of rage, she raised her katar, and using the blunt end, she slammed Prawnt all the way down to the first floor of the inn. What's scary was, we were on the fourth floor that time. As soon as we got down to the first floor, the sword was no longer in Prawnt's hand and it stopped glowing. Zak examined the sword and said the spirit has been exorcised from it. We were all relieved as we saw Prawnt slowly returning to normal. Well, normal as in his usual normal self. We all know how peculiar your brother is, Ebbie.

We were all quite relieved as Prawnt got up and only complained of a severe headache and a few bruises as Cailey went to treat him. Amazingly, he got up and said he was ready to go adventuring again. Well, it really wasn't pleasant on the eyes as he was naked. In the lobby. In front of lots of people. Frustrated, Zak threw him a pair of pants.

So how is Prawnt now? Well he still thinks he's in the netherworld and has been turned into a vampire. So he still goes around town proclaiming to be the Vampire Knight, Hero of the Night or something like that in a helm and vampire costume. He still uses the sword that he was possessed with. Don't worry, Zak said there would be no chance of any evil spirit possessing that sword again. He still won't believe us that it's Halloween and that he's not in the netherworld.

Till then, he'll write to you soon he said.

With regards,
Ceaz

Fangirl's Fantasy

To My Dearest Ebbie,

I found another piece of mail entitled "Fan Art" and when I opened it, I got this:

(Do I really look THAT submissive? Click image to enlarge.)

The following caption? It only said "Uke Prawnt". Right, this is probably another sick joke created by Irichi and the other girls who want to pin me down as nothing more but a submissive person! It's the thought that counts? Well, perhaps. You don't get much people who would want to draw you, but this is... I don't know.

In the end, it's probably another yaoi fangirl's fantasy.

Stay safe, don't read yaoi. You're a better girl than that.

From Your Dear Brother,
Prawnt

OOC: Many thanks to Ceaz for this drawing!
From left to right: Dobby, Prawnt, Ceaz. Squealing Fangirl: Mizureii

Lost With A Cupcake

To My Dear Friend Ceaz,

The other day I was told by the lads that there would be a "black market" somewhere in a faraway place and I decided to have a look at it myself. All they told me was to look for a hooded man and he would show me his goods which I can purchase for a good price. The deal seems shady right? So to make sure it was a safe and real deal, I went alone to find this so-called black market. Good "porn" would be hard to come by.

I eventually came across a forest that people say I must cross a dense forest just to find the place. After treading for a few minutes, I came across some weird guy in green robes. Perhaps he knew where the place was. However, as I was about to ask him for directions. He only gave me a glare and raised his staff. He attacked me! This guy was probably one of those Dryads, classified as a hostile threat and forest servants of Elga. I had no choice but to engage the lousy Dryad to move on.

It utters a weird language somewhere along the lines of "GARFLARGBLARGH
ERBLARGBHERBLAGH". Yeah, reeeeeeaaaaaly weird language I must say. I defeated it of course and moved deeper into the forest. After some time, I've noticed that I was getting nowhere. I really didn't know what to do so I decided to experiment. I left a cupcake at a nearby tree to use it as a marker. I walked again and after a few minutes, and the cupcake was gone! There were a few monsters around the spot where I left it and they must've eaten that cupcake. IT WAS MY ONLY SOURCE OF NOURISHMENT THAT TIME.

This forest made me lose my way.

I had to get out quickly. It was almost getting dark, and I need my goods. My "goods". Then I came across something. Or it probably was a someone. It was one of those Mimir Tribesmen I've heard so much about. They used to be a friendly bunch but recently, the whole tribe has gone berserk because of their Owl God, Bubo who has been acting strangely as of late.

I tried to ask this Mimir Tribesman for directions but all he did was squeal and attack me. After defeating him, it alerted the attention of other tribesmen, so I had to escape the forest as quickly as possible. I didn't know getting the "goods" was this hard. I had to escape because I promised Ebbie I would be safe from harm. When I found the exit, I couldn't believe my eyes! THE CUPCAKE WAS WAITING FOR ME AT THE EXIT, DUDE.

I didn't bring any potions, scrolls, and food during this time because I forgot my stuff in Libra. The cupcake was only something I bought along the way to the forest. Some mage sold it to me so perhaps this cupcake was enchanted or something? I wasn't hungry yet as I was saving it after I buy "the goods". Without hesitation, I picked up the cupcake and stepped into the light.

In an instant, I was brought to this familiar place. It was the guild castles lobby!!! I really didn't know how this was the place yet, things were not as they seemed to be. This looked like a replica of it, and the guy with brown robes spoke with a funny voice. I found all kinds of titles there man! They probably had twice the titles and stocks compared to those found in the backalleys of Libra! With a raspy voice, the guy in the brown robes welcome me and I started taking my picks.

They had titles like "My Spear into Your Holey Robe" or "Loli Acolyte: Mk II". Irichi would love this place as well as it had titles to her liking that I accidentally picked out. Of course dude, I returned those cursed things the moment I touched them. I had a large shopping bag with titles to watch and enjoy. Now what mystified me was the cupcake I still had from back then. The brown robed guy just smiled and told me to eat it.

The moment I took a bite into the magical cupcake, I had this feeling of euphoria. My body felt all warm and, I think I was hallucinating and stuff as I saw these talking Woodies telling me to fap and stuff. The last thing I knew, I was naked in bed with this woman and I'm not sure of what I saw but I'm pretty sure it was... nah... you wouldn't want to know. It was HORRIBLE. And you'd probably think I was gay if I told you what I saw that time.

But no worries man, I got you your favorite title, and I've attached it to this mail. Oh yeah, don't tell Ebbie about this. She'd probably kill me if she knew that I got high again.

I'll see you around man.

From Your Dear Friend,
Prawnt

Visiting Vella

To My Dearest Ebbie,

Yesterday Ceaz and I went into the Faeras Swamplands to do a little bit of exploring. Ceaz was looking for snail shells to collect, while I was instructed by my commanding officer to scout the area for Queen Vella's movements. It would be troublesome if we had encountered Vella during our scouting run, right? After all, there were only two of us. After two hours of trekking, we eventually found ourselves in a deep part of the swamp. Armored snails were now patrolling the area and we engaged some of their squads to decrease their numbers a bit.


Though they were armored, they could easily be defeated by knocking them over and hitting their underside. It was quite fun, to be honest. These were Queen Vella's minions anyway. After engaging a few more of their patrols, we accidentally found Queen Vella and her entourage! This wasp queen looked rather angry as she raised her staff and ordered her minions to attack us by buzzing her wings.

We got into quite a brawl, I tried to distract Vella by provoking her to come after me, while Ceaz went after the lackeys to dwindle down their numbers. Ebbie, you've been to the swamps right? Have you noticed how diverse her minions are? You've got these wasps, swamp monsters, fireflies, beetles, snails, giant humanoid flies, webfoot lizards, diles, and even a few boombooms. It makes me wonder how she got all these monsters working together. (Well, she IS a queen after all, I guess...)

Anyway, It was quite chaotic. It took us a while to get rid of her lackeys until Vella surrendered, and fell to the ground, out of energy. Her minions then flew her out to safety. We did it! Ceaz was also happy as he was able to collect all these marvelous snail shells he found. As he was picking up some spoils in the area, I noticed something Ebbie. Something... or someone was watching us then.

I looked around the area cautiously, and tried to look for that 'presence'. I'm not really sure of what I saw, but the only glimpse I found was a floating figure, curvaceous, womanly, had black garments, and if my pervert's eyes do not fail me, a black thong.

I blushed for a second when I saw that thong. When I blinked, all I saw was a trail of black smoke, left behind by that womanly figure.


Now what could that have been? I'm not so sure of what I saw. Was that the fabled witch named Paris, like in Arcanist Pablo's stories? A chill was sent up my spine, just thinking about it. Then again, when I thought about that thong I warmed up. It was an unsettling yet titillating feeling.

You're headed for the swamps now Ebbie? I ask that you take care. Watch out for crocodiles, especially for a big, angry one named Protoscous, he hates us Dragonians with a passion. Oh, and if you come across any Fungoid merchants, patronize 'em, they sell pretty good stuff!

Stay safe, watch out for snails.

From Your Dear Brother,
Prawnt

I Have WHAT???

To My Dearest Ebbie,

I had another dream Ebbie. Nope, I haven't eaten anything weird, it just so happened that this dream was plain weird. It started in the port of Libra, and here I was in town, alone. There were no people or anything. Okay, maybe there WERE people but all of them looked as if they were frozen by time itself. It was as if I was inside a picture, and everything was still. This gave an eerie feeling. All of a sudden, I heard laughing. Child-like, so there must be children in the area. I looked around and found two children.

Strangely enough, they resembled Ceaz and Cailey very much. Looks like they were playing "tag" until they saw me. Both of their heads darted towards me when I approached them and they looked very happy to see me. However, I didn't expect the following events, as they kept calling me their dad. I just stood there, dumbfounded and flabbergasted.


All I could say next was "WHAT???" and they both laughed. Ceaz and Cailey kept calling me their "daddy" as I was still scratching my head over all this. Cailey then asked where's their mommy. Ceaz also followed, persistently asking "WHERE'S MOMMY???" over and over again. Hyperactive little brat. Then they ran around in circles, shouting "Where's Mommy?" and I just stood there, still speechless.


They kept running until I got dizzy. Eventually I passed out and I was back in the real world again. Now that dream made me think. If Ceaz and Cailey were my children, WHO WAS THE MOTHER???

Stay safe Ebbie, don't get weird dreams like me.

From Your Dear Brother,
Prawnt

LIES! LIES! ALL LIES!

To My Dearest Ebbie,

I've read in your previous letter that you're starting to think if I wasn't straight or anything. Now where'd you get that idea? It was IRICHI wasn't it? She put you up to this didn't she? Anyway, just to clear things up, I'm not into those things. Alright?


THERE. Now to clarify a few more things. Me and the guys are just bonding together for a bit of "guy time" like you girls have your "girly time". It's not BROMANCE, alright? Don't get the wrong ideas, and as your brother, DO NOT let Irichi corrupt you. I don't want my dear sister running around watching yaoi or whatever it's called. It's just not right, I tell you!

And we're definitely clear on that, alright? And no, Ceaz and I are just good buddies, it's not US already, ok? And you do know already that Ceaz is in a relationship with Cailey!

So there, stay safe!

From Your Dear Brother,
Prawnt

Scandalous~

Dear Ebbie-chan,

Hi there, this is Irichi, Prawnt's friend in the guild. Let's get one thing straight first, let's not tell Prawnt about this, alright? We'll keep it a kinky little secret. Now Prawnt may have introduced me to you before in his previous letters and he mentioned something about me bullying him. Well, that's just how I like treating him, okay? What a silly uke. He's been stalking my little sister Marj and ever since he bought that stupid hat he looks more like a pedophile. Warrior and defender of justice my arse.

As a skilled assassin, I know how to stalk people without even being detected. I use this to my advantage to stalk Prawnt, coerce him into very awkward situations with his male guildmates and get my reward at the end. You know what it is, Ebbie-chan, I'm talking about YAOI. Here's one I took in the Port of Winds. Oh Ebbie dear it looked sooo beautiful! I don't know what's going on between Prawnt and Ceaz, though this was taken a long time ago when Prawnt was still a junior knight.

OMG OMG OMG SEE THAT? SEE THAT? HE'S NECKING CEAZ!!! KYAAAAAAA~ <3 Now this is what I call TRUE LOVE. Oh, and if you're wondering who are those other people in the pic, that's Guildmaster Sieg to the right, and that's Mistress Ciel, who's a Warmage now. She's like a big sis to us all and seems to be enjoying the situation, ne?

But hey, don't get the wrong idea, alright? I'm not showing this to put him down. It's only for the mere fun of it. Perhaps you now know the reason why your dear brother Prawnt couldn't get a girlfriend? I mean, he's like... 21 or 22 already am I right?

Well then, I'll send you more pics using my ultimate assassin stalking skills. I've heard Prawnt and the boys are off to Ocher forest for some "bonding". I wonder what kind of "bonding" they're up to? And why in such a secluded place? *wink*

So tata, I'll see you around~

From Big Sis,
Irichi>

Pirating *hic*

To Me Dearest Ebbie,

So thar I was Ebbie, raidin the shores of the Port of Libra, arr! Sailin' this side o' the seven seas and swashbucklin' me way to get me damsels and me treasure! ARRRR! But hear this me Ebbie, this ambitious pirate o' yers be amassin a fortune worth all the treasure o' the world, ARRRR! Them landlubbers used to know me as a paladin who be goin' by the name of Prawnt, the Tempuree Knight, arr! However, when I found me true pirate callin' I stuck with me new swashbucklin' pirate name! I be called the Tempura Terror! ARRR!

I be tellin' ye a tale o' adventure, as I sat 'ere in the Port of Libra, and showed 'em landlubbers along with me crew that messin' with Captain Prawnt, the Tempura Terror be meanin' bloody business, arr! We be causin all sorts o' mischief around this 'ere town, the same sort o' ruckus that Cap'n White Tooth and Alvida did to the Port of Steven, arr! But they be bad pirates! They be causin' no mischief at all! Not like I, Captain Prawnt o' the Great Tempura Brigade, we be doin noble privateerin' and at the same time cause a bit o' pirate mischief 'ere and thar! ARRR!

I know ye be curious 'bout me, Ebbie, so I be sendin' ye this picture o' me in me captain outfit, arr! So we went around Libra, throwin' and destroyin' crates 'ere and thar, and we be crushin' the greedy merchant enterprise that deserve it , arr! CURSE DEM BLOODY MERCHANTS THEY BE FELLED BY THE BLADE OF THE TEMPURA TERROR, CAPTAIN PRAWNT, LEADER OF THE GREAT TEMPURA BRIGADE ON THIS SIDE O' THE SEVEN SEAS, ARRRRRR!!!

Now them landlubbers from the government show up after me and me crew did some ruckus here and thar, so I told em, "Ya know lads, piratin' be honest and noble work, we be a reminder that thar always be a third party aside from this Elga thingy ye be facin right now, arr! Ye should be thankin' us cuz we keep yer toes on the ground!" That's what yer dear brother told 'em before they almost sent me to Davy Jones' locker!

But hear this me dear Ebbie, Captain Prawnt of the Great Tempura Brigade ne'er gives up, no matter what! We be seekin' all sorts o' abominations an' monstrosities that be threatenin' justice, arr! So thar! If ye excuse me, one o' me crew has come to pay for me bail, I be a free man again. Another day of fightin' evil fer Captain Prawnt, the Tempura Terror, Leader of the Great Tempura Brigade!

Ye be stayin' safe now, ye hear?

From Yer Dear Brother,
Captain Prawnt

P.S. Oh hi Ebbie, this is Ceaz, Prawnt's friend. Umm, Prawnt drank a bit too much liquor and accidentally inhaled a WHOLE bag of opium so... yeah. His mind got all screwed up and pretty soon he found this pirate costume, wore it, and dragged us around town ordering us to raid and pillage the shops in the market street. He then got caught by the authorities for causing a ruckus and he wrote this letter while he was kept in the town jail. He finally fainted after 24 hours of being high, and the doctor said he'll need a day's rest, don't worry about him, he's fine. It was a good thing I snatched this letter from him while he was asleep, huh? Don't worry, no one was hurt! Cheers!