To My Dearest Ebbie,
I know you love eating sweets. Remember when we were kids you always stole from my cookie jar and I'd get angry and stuff? That same cookie factory that produced the cookies we ate while we were kids is still around even to this day. I've heard it has been around for more than sixty years, according to the locals, but its owner has never been seen. Ever. Creepy huh? I was curious until I found this weird guy in the middle of town offering a tour of the Cookie Factory.
Yeah, he's pretty much like Gatto only he's a representative of the Cookie Factory. I told him I wanted to enter but I needed to have a ticket which could be found from the chocolate they sell. So I went around shops looking for that chocolate. After an hour of looking around, I still couldn't find the darned chocolate. That was until I found this woman asking for help from some people about her missing child. Being the chivalrous knight that I am, I offered to help her out immediately.
I asked her son's description. She said he was round, had blonde hair, and was FAT. Now it made me wonder how such a round, conspicuous child would go missing? The last place he had been to was the so-called Cookie Factory where they produce my favorite pastry, only next to Tempura in Ice Cream. CHOCOLATE CRULLERS.
That's right, their chocolate crullers are just so darn awesome I want more. Covered in that sugar glaze, my mouth is watering as I write this letter. Yum! Anyway, I did something rather un-knightly and I snuck into the factory to investigate. I was starting to get the impression that this had something to do with all the missing children around the area of the Port of Winds. It would make a great report to the Commander, I thought.
I entered the factory and my eyes sparkled as I saw all sorts of candy and chocolate being made... until I saw living candy moving around. Then I thought, "living candy"? No wonder the factory never hires any human workers. This must be the work of some evil force, like Paris' witchcraft or Elga's influence! Then I made a knightly vow. To rescue the children and put a stop to this factory of EVIL!!! ...except those Chocolate Crullers. Mmm~
There were tons of monsters in the area as I slowly hacked my way through tons of candy monsters. I wanted to eat them, but who knows where they have been? Each step was making me hungry. I knew I needed to find at least one safe chocolate cruller before I finish the mission. Eventually, I made my way into a room with this large candy monster in it:
I was like "WTF?" a Mallow Woodie? It didn't hesitate any further as it attacked me with its large pastry guns. It was a bit tough trying to beat it because of its soft sticky body, but eventually it gave in and started to melt. And then as if by magic, in a puff of gray, the puddle turned into the fat kid I've been looking for all along. So this factory had been turning kids into monsters? Creepy. As I was about to pick up the boy to bring him to a safe place, I heard a voice over the speakers.
"So you really thought you could solve this case huh? I'll show you, you cocky knight." the voice over the speakers taunted.
I then retorted, "Cocky huh? Well when I get to the bottom of this, I'll show you whoever-you-may-be! AND WHERE'S MY FREE CHOCOLATE CRULLER?"
"A free chocolate cruller, huh? Very well. I shall grant your request."
After the voice chuckled, this large pastry gun appeared right in front of me and aimed straight at my groin. It shot a bright stream of chocolate... IN THAT AREA! YES EBBIE, HE SHOT MY NETHER REGIONS! It didn't feel painful or anything and I found out nothing had happened to me.
"Is that all you could do? What the heck did that do to me anyway?" I shouted at the voice.
"Look in your pants and I have granted your request." the voice had disappeared right after the static over the speakers.
When I took a peek into my groin area... all I found was a chocolate cruller.
DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH EBBIE! THIS... THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! YOU COULD TAKE A MAN'S PRIDE AND DIGNITY BUT YOU COULD NEVER TAKE HIS "LITTLE BEST FRIEND"!!! IT... IS A PROOF...
OF MANHOOOOOD!!!
I SWEAR WHEN I FIND THE GUY WHO DID THIS, I WILL BEAT THE LIVING LIGHTS OUT OF HIM!
But I have to get this kid out of here first. I'll then pursue the real culprit and save the rest of the children... AND RESTORE MY MANHOOD BACK TO NORMAL!!!
Now stay safe Ebbie, DO NOT GO NEAR THAT FACTORY. Who knows what would happen to your womanhood if you went near???
From Your Dear Brother,
Prawnt
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